Saturday, February 7, 2009

Letting go....

So I'm having a hard time of letting go. I don't really miss him per say its just the not having to worry about him. I mean our lives were so intertiwned and now I only have to worry about me and Sam. Im not really sure if I don't miss him because I have been busy or because we talk serveral times a day still. I guess we shouldn't be talking but we aren't really talking about anything. I think its the same deal, just hard to go from being married then your not supposed to give a shit or worry about wether the other person made it home safe for the night or whatever. i find myself checking his phone log online to see if he really has gone to bed when he gets off the phone. I'm pretty sure that's not healthy lol but its hard to just not care anymore. I am really happier here just the 2 of us so its not like i want him back. I tell myself don't let this crap bother you. I wanted a divorce (still do) so you have to let go. He is allowed to do whatever he wants now, and SO AM I. The thing is I don't know how to stop feeling married. I took off my ring 2 days ago, I think I lost it too opps. My friend said oh you should pawn it and I teased that I would only get 34 dollars. She said I should send it to cash for gold lol you have probably seen the commercial on tv. I was like no they would send me an invoice back for the shipping. My ring is a cheap one we bought it at a pawn shop actually. He bought me a really nice diamond for my engagement ring and he had the ring custom made from a design he drew. Isn't that the sweetest thing, probably the only really cool thing he has ever done for me. Well that and having roses custom dyed purple for our first date cuz purple is my favorite color. I bet if you asked him right now what my favorite color was he wouldn't know. Anyway I kinda wandered off there the point is that the diamond fell out of that ring and I lost it at walmart. We were really broke but I hated not having a ring so we bought one at the pawn shop. It's a really pretty ring but the diamond was more like a sliver then a stone lol. So darn it there is no pawning it even if I hadn't lost it. I'm not sure I could pawn it though, I mean its like wedding pictures I don't really know what to do with them. I don't want to destroy them or anything but its not like I want them out on display either.

He is supposed to be coming this weekend to bring me a refrigerator and go back to the car auction with me. I went today but didn't find anything I loved or could afford. They sold a 98 Expedition for 2,500 but I only have a little over 2,000 and that means I can bid up to 1,700 because there are 12% commission fees, taxes and registration.

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